Children in dark blue, light blue, green, red, yellow, orange, purple and pink t-shirts flit and frolic around the Buccoo Integrated Facility. Excitement reigns on opening day of the fifth annual Healing with Horses Buccoo Integrated Summer Camp. As always, a few withdrawn children sit quietly. Who, from this vibrant cloud of human confetti will come to offer the hand of friendship, lifting them from shyness, welcoming them to fun? Soon, someone will.
Group leader Charmaine Harragin laughs with two little girls who are thrilled to be friends because their names, although spelled differently, sound the same—Mayah and Mya.
Children, more likely than adults to recognise simple similarities and trust the moment, often bond immediately. One of my former yoga students in Trinidad once brought her then five-year old daughter to a lime we were having at another student’s home. The latter’s two-year old granddaughter was present. As soon as the girls were introduced, they moved together in magnetic silence, held hands and walked off, as if they had always known each other.
In today’s world of social media, the word ‘friend’ has taken on a shallow meaning where quantity, not always quality, is an indicator of perceived, sometimes hoped-for popularity. It is possible for someone to have thousands of ‘friends’ on Facebook but little or none in real life. Noting the quick and easy connections struck up among diverse children at camp, I decide to ask a few what ‘friendship’ means to them.
First, I ask Charmaine who, although in her sixties, is a child at heart. “Friendship is the love of giving,” she says. “By being a friend to someone … you have to be unselfish and to know the meaning of loyalty, standing by them in thick or thin. A friend can be any age. Colour, background and education don’t come into it.”
“Friendship is being kind to each other, being loving, being helpful … being there,” explains eight-year-old William as we chat quietly in the House of Rest. “Are you a good friend?” I ask him. “I think I am,” he says. “My friend often comes over to play and we go for walks with my dog ... or I go to his house. He’s the best friend I ever had.”
“What makes him the best friend you ever had?” “He always looks out for me. Like when I miss his birthday he still saves stuff for me.” I catch up with nine-year-old Sammy, who is heading to meet his lunchtime companions. “Friendship is when you share with your friends and have manners,” he tells me with the tone of one who is an expert on the subject.
“Have manners like what?” I ask. He gives me a ‘don’t you know?’ look. “Somebody bigger than you like a big teenager tell you ‘Shhh, be quiet’, you not supposed to talk back and tell them anything.” Seeing his playmates too far ahead, he darts off to be with them.
The late John O’Donohue, in his book ‘Anam Cara,’ (Soul Friend) writes: “It could be a meeting on the street, or a party or a lecture, or just a simple, banal introduction, then suddenly there is a flash of recognition and the embers of kinship glow. There is an awakening between you, a sense of ancient knowing.”
True friendship, simple, yet profound, is one of life’s great treasures.